Found the Sun

Surprised? I found it within a tent at an on-campus "Product Fair" at Microsoft. It's smaller in person (or I am imaginably gigantic), filled with candy, and has a hole in the back. I'm sure the reasons for hiding had something to do with being prodded in the rear by greedy fingers looking for sticky sweets.

As anyone and everyone in Washington can attest, this has been a dismal year. The previous July must have been hotter, because this one and the leading Spring have been quite gray. It's now especially impossible to tell the difference between people who always complain about the weather and those just justified by reasons referring to recent temporal evidence. Oh yes, it rains here -- didn't you know? Somehow the rain hasn't dampened my immediate mood so, for all I care, the clouds can go fuck their muggy breath and ashy faces; this is Summer's silver lining.

Really, we have no one to complain and no one to blame but ourselves. Seeing as blaming yourself is only worth an immediate punishment per motivational purposes, I suggest we quit flogging the fluffy inverse geography bearing down as our cirrus ceiling. That said, I'm only feeling quite right now so I reserve the right to bitch about the shitty shiftiness tomorrow ... or in an hour. I thought, heck I'd better write something while the lightness remains else my blog will be nothing be pain to endure in a reading.

There isn't anything in particular that's given me such a boost. Nothing has changed in my life, work mostly sucked today, and my activities are almost explicitly boring at the moment from an external point of view. Yet somehow I don't care at the moment and I really see how little it matters. This clarity will pass (this too shall pass) but its brief presence testifies to a subtle healing process from within. The idea that such stretches will get longer is altogether more encouraging than any amount of attention from a random floozy in a tipsy night out. The internalization of loneliness affecting without hurting and the sensation that I can be worth something to myself, even just breath to breath; those are things that matter. These are markers on my path, totems in my sky ... just somewhat concealed by clouds ...